Hi friends,
I want to share two recordings I made this fall.
The first is long. I wandered into a mausoleum during a day off and stumbled upon a piano. It was dinky and had seen better days, but the reverb from 30 foot marble walls gave it a rich texture. I walked through the mausoleum for a half hour before I started playing. I didn't see a single person the entire time. It was special sitting in such an immense place playing in solitude.
The second recording was at a mausoleum where many of my maternal ancestors are. I went with my mom on Halloween which was my grandmother’s birthday. It was a lovely grand piano. Before I played we visited my family members and my mom told me stories about them.
Both recordings are original and improvised compositions, with a brief exception where I play through a few measures of the hymn "Abide with Me".
If you only listen to one, I’d recommend the shorter one. The recording quality is better and the composition is less wandering.
In recent years I’ve developed a deeper appreciation for remembering the dead, as well as making music as an offering to them. Whether or not they are listening, acting as if they are has been meaningful to me.
It helps me de-center myself.
The sheer weight of history behind us is immense. Before having children I was incredibly self-centered and focused mostly on the immediate present and the anticipated future.
Increasingly I feel: My life is not my own. My gifts are not for me. This life is an offering, an act of service. I don’t have to get it right. I just need to breathe and let the exchange happen. The giving and receiving.
I used to be more stuck - preoccupied about what I had to give and if it was enough and if I would be recognized. And in the preoccupation I struggled to play along. Like it’s hard to dance to music if you’re thinking about it or are trying to manage how you look.
I hope you’ll enjoy listening, and I invite you to take a moment to remember ancestors who have died and honor them in some way. You live because they lived.
Life is a wild, mysterious, vast journey. With agony and ecstasy in varied measure. May you find ways of tuning into the deeper currents for nourishment, solace, and peace.
Sending love,
Alex